On this 35th wedding anniversary of my parents, Arend and Willa Dale, something has occurred to me without a lot of thinking. That is, that you never outgrow your need for your parents. I’m not talking about your need for family, no, that’s a given. But I’m talking about the wisdom of someone who’s been through it all before you have. When you’re a kid you need them—naturally. Yet even through those years as a teenager when you try to strike out on your own and indeed in college and beyond, you find an affirming guidance in your folks—at least if you land a set like I did.
When I was filling out my application for university, my dad mentioned in some sort of off-hand way that I should consider getting a truck license. When I scoffed at the suggestion, saying something to the effect of that being below me and counter to the whole notion of actually GOING to school, he simply replied, “There’s no shame in being a truck driver”. I guess I wasn’t expecting that response, certainly not from a man with a PhD. Maybe it was the profundity of the moment or the simple truth of the statement, but that has stuck with me for the last 15 years. A little bit of wisdom when I thought I no longer had need for the words of my father. Since then I’ve gone through the usual dips that one experiences in life, but I have always been able to find happiness with what I have and to recognize that truck driver is in it for the same reasons I am and indeed could teach me a thing or two.
Now, as Rhonda and I shift our focus to having kids of our own, as well as beginning to participate in the lives of some of the kids around us, I’m reminded of a similarly obscure moment. I must have been 12 or something and completely fascinated with video games. So much so that I would sneak over to the arcade even though it was expressly forbidden. Time and time again I would turn around to see my mom standing furious at the door of the arcade and on one particular occasion I remember getting dragged out and escorted home in my big rubber rubber boots. I’m not sure why I remember that detail … perhaps because the memory was closely paired with the other part of the story: the fact that all my friends saw me get busted by my mom.
It seemed so unfair. I’m not sure who was madder at whom that day. But now as I look back I know it was the right thing. These aren’t influences I want my children having … if I can help it. With a child’s future on such a fine balance I hope Rhonda and I can provide fruitful and constructive outlets for ours. And if it comes down to it, embarrass them in front of their friends. For an only child like my mother to successfully raise four boys, each with a different personality, I think she did (and continues to do) a remarkable job.
So on this 35th anniversary I want to say that I am humbled by my parents’ accomplishments and wisdom. Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad.
